my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
