Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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