No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
