You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
