Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
