I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
