I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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