I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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