and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Girls should come with a carfax report
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
