I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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