My room smells like vodka and shame
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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