For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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