Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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