i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dignity is for republicans.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
