Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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