he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize