I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
