screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
