So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
