Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Screwed.edu
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
