Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
