Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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