i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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