I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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