Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
