a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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