Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
