why didn't you poke me back
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
operation harelip BJ is a go
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
