im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
