i think my tv is drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
