i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
