Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
