He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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