Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my sisters under your porch take her home
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
