You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
