I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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