I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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