so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
