My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
