She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
