Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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(253): View more from Washington

DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough

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(847): View more from Illinois

There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

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(951): View more from California

Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(914): View more from New York

I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.

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(786): View more from Florida

His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.

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