awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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