Do you still have your period?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
