I just saw a hot homeless man
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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