on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
