just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
