In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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