I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Someone signed my nipple.
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