the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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