ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize