Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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