there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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