Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
