you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
