Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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