How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
time to smoke my breakfast
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
