he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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