Ambien. No doubt about it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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