Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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