i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
