girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
