The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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