he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The beer is more important than you right now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
