dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
