Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
