All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
