just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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