The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just threw up on my dentist
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
