Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
